Reflections and Analysis regarding the Sterling Weekend
1998
By a former Graduate
Taken as theater rather than data, there is value to be gained in the Sterling weekend. The same hypotheses about the ancient "war between the sexes" in Tim Allen's tired "HOME IMPROVEMENT", Rob Becker's poignant "DEFENDING THE CAVE MAN", or John Gray's baffling, wimpy--"MEN ARE FROM MARS/WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS". That is, that men and women both lose much in buying into the unisex, sensitive-male model. The roots of masculinity and femininity are not socially imposed, but have ancient roots, and when honored --men and women both will be happier.
Unhappily, neither Sterling nor the bulk of his followers and staff seem to regard [the Weekend] as theater, but as "truth," and that they are serving a "higher purpose" (the name of their Web site.) During the weekend, you are subjected to a steady stream of lecture and processes-- with few breaks and little or no chance to question or digest what is presented. That some have characterized this as "harangue" or "brow-beating" or even "abusive" is understandable.
In Luke Reinhart's "BOOK OF EST", a novelization of the famous est weekend, he has Werner Erhart explaining the famous opening of the seminar. "YOU ARE ALL ASSHOLES!" he screams, "YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE YOUR LIVES DON'T WORK!" After an hour or so of this screed, he says more gently, "You are sitting there with a little voice in your head saying, "Who does he think he is? How dare he tell me that I am an asshole?" It is that little voice that has been running your life, and I want you to identify it and deal with it, and get your life back." Ohhhhh, you are supposed to say, if you are just a bit masochistic--self-discovery!
The Sterling weekend does much the same thing [Justin Sterling was once associated with est]. As has been explained in the press, it begins with an orientation process that involves bewildering forms and agreements, asking personal questions and waiving all rights. Standing in a room with NO TALKING and NO SITTING and NO LOOKING AT ONE ANOTHER for about thirty minutes. You are admitted into the main room to another questionnaire to be filled out, ONLY WHEN INSTRUCTED! A severe woman is leading this exercise, insisting that you only touch the pencil when told, only turn the page when told, only begin when told, etc. etc. This is all being videotaped by women who neither smile nor interact with the men in the room as they poke their cameras into the middle of any interaction.
Most men have one of two responses to this subjection: resignation or rebellion. Many of the men are up and yelling for the "women to be removed." Others are yelling "Just follow instructions!" Others are in their chairs, looking helpless and stunned. Both of these responses (rebellion, resignation) are reactions, coping mechanisms, attempts to escape a dominating situation. I suspect Sterling wants men to wrestle with these infantile responses, and create an opening for another way that involves choice and volition, even in a situation that seems imposed. This is pure est: "You can be free in any situation, if you choose to."
Good insight? Useful? Fun? Only to those with $500 to spare for an insight that a reading of Shakespeare or the Book or Romans could yield.
Other psychodramas follow. Of course, it is presented as fact, as truth, as higher-order knowledge.
Paradoxical premises are offered: The man your woman fell in love with is not the man she is slowly transforming you into. But: Women have more insight and natural skill in relationship handling than men, so let them lead. She will try to change you into a different man than you are, and she knows more about relationships than you, by virtue of her gender. Wrestle with that.
Women should have women friends. Men should have men friends. Male-female friendships are dangerous. Go see WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, and prepare for affairs if you disagree with this one. Have a place that is yours in the house, even if it is a bookshelf. And so on. Good stuff here and there. If you were lucky enough to know your Grandparents, or any of the WWII generation, they would say the same kinds of things.
But with Sterling, or est, you must endure the "strip you down, build you up" nonsense of those who never actually participated in the military. It's a form of gnosticism that holds that there is an "essential self" that is covered or warped by socialization and dysfunctionality you endured in growing up. Most of this warping was suffered at the hands of your "mediating institutions" namely your family, your parents, your neighborhood, your church, your teachers. That is, the very structures where most of humanity, for most of history gained the greatest nourishment!
To the Sterlings and Werners and other modern gurus these are bad, poisoning, distorting factors. You should distrust them, In their place, guess what! The Sterling Institute! The tribe, the brotherhood!
This is sealed at the end of the weekend with pseudo-tribal naked dancing, Justin as chieftain, and more awful psychobabble. To keep the gains made, you should join a "men's team" where service to the organization will be a primary feature.
In my experience, more harm than good can be accomplished by the weekend. For every man who leaves with a renewed sense of male vitality, there are ten who leave with a distorted "he man" image that cuts him off from wife, from family, and from men "outside the tribe." To his credit, Sterling does not seem to insist on the follow-up weekly seminars that characterized est. And he doesn't muddy his presentation with the leftist politics and personal angst of Robert Bly's men's movement. But the "don't question my authority" and "if you have a question, what is YOUR problem" processing characteristic of cults keeps me away, and from recommending it to anyone.
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