Fargo woman finds her voice after growing up in what she calls 'a cult'

Through her new book “Irreverent,” Melanie Rudd hopes to empower other women to break free from the narratives that have kept them silent for too long.

InForum/April 5, 2025

By Tracy Briggs

Fargo — Sunlight streams through the window of Melanie Rudd’s north Fargo office, illuminating a vibrant explosion of color — hot pink chairs, bold abstract art and a space as lively as the woman who created it.

But for years, her personality was muted, silenced by a rigid religious upbringing and the weight of trauma.

Now, through her new book, she’s using her voice to help other women find theirs.

Growing up in silence

Rudd was raised in what she describes as a cult-like church. Her grandmother joined Spirit & Life Church in Lake Park, Minnesota, in the 1970s, and the family became deeply entrenched in its strict teachings.

"The signs of a cult," Rudd explains, "are hyper-dependence on the leader. He wasn’t pointing us to God — he was pointing us to himself."

She recalls how "Pastor Saul" used his sermons to shame women for their choices — everything from their clothing to their home decor. He even showed up at members’ houses unannounced to inspect the inside of their home.

"Every Sunday or Wednesday, someone new would be at the front of the congregation, tearfully confessing her sin publicly. I remember one woman crying up at the podium because she painted her sunroom yellow. She didn’t know the pastor’s wife had painted one of her rooms yellow. It didn’t matter. This woman grieved the Lord and had to repaint her room another color,” Rudd wrote.

Rudd said the pastor also required the woman to sell all the wicker furniture she had just purchased because his wife also had wicker furniture.

While Rudd said there were many kind people at the church, she grew up believing God’s voice could only be accessed through the leader, who also encouraged his parishioners to avoid doctors so they could be healed through him.

Amid this oppressive environment, she and some in her family endured religious, familial, physical and sexual abuse. Lacking coping mechanisms, she spiraled into alcohol abuse and self-destruction, feeling insignificant and unseen.

She eventually married, had two children and later divorced. Even after leaving the church, she carried its baggage, blaming herself whenever life went wrong.

Breaking free and speaking up

A turning point came when a work colleague invited Rudd to a Christmas party unlike any she’d attended before.

"It was like The Real Housewives of Fargo,” she laughed. "I remember looking around, feeling like I was literally the only one who did not belong here. I was the divorced single mother of two who ate and drank her feelings, hiding behind cabernet."

But unlike the reality TV drama, this gathering was about hope. Pastor Jana Sawchuk and psychologist Cris Linnares led the group in prayer and asked if anyone needed healing.

Rudd said her hand shot up — almost involuntarily.

“Oh my God! What was I doing?” she later wrote.

Linnares prayed over her, declaring, "It’s time for you to speak up. Stop looking down. You have something to say!"

That moment changed everything.

"I had felt silenced for so long that I didn’t even know what I would say," Rudd recalls. "But I started writing. It felt safer than speaking out loud."

By that time, she had also been working for a nonprofit that helped rescue women from human trafficking. Her past struggles and deep empathy fueled that passion. She eventually raised over $1 million for the cause. Her work took her to the Middle East, where she witnessed firsthand how healing one person could transform families and generations.

"Going abroad showed me how much I had here. It wasn't to minimize what I had been through, but I just realized, oh my gosh, even I can make a difference in the world," she said. "So realizing that my experiences could bring hope to women on the other side of the globe was just eye-opening for me."

In an unexpected twist, Rudd was encouraged to enter the Mrs. North Dakota International pageant. She laughed off the idea at first, comparing herself to Sandra Bullock’s clumsy character in “Miss Congeniality.”

But she soon recognized that the competition was about more than gowns and tiaras — it was a platform to share her story and inspire others. To her surprise, she won the title in 2020.

The power of 'Irreverent'

Rudd spent years refining the book that would become “Irreverent,” determined to strike a balance between raw honesty and hope.

"I’m not saying this is the best way to do it. I’m just saying this is how I got through it," she said.

Unlike traditional self-help books that sometimes promise a step-by-step formula for healing, “Irreverent” is real, unfiltered and doesn’t shy away from Rudd’s own setbacks.

"I wanted to write the book the way I did because, when I was going through my own struggles, I was looking for books that were real," she says. "Everything I found felt like it was written by people who had already figured it all out. I needed something messier, something that made me feel less alone."

The book’s central theme is forgiveness — not the easy kind, but the kind that comes when forgetting isn’t an option.

"I think if there's one theme, it's how to forgive when forgetting is really hard. I had to release my mom and grandma and even the pastor of that church. I had to release them from the hurts that I had," she said. (The pastor Rudd writes about has now died, and she said his congregation disbanded a few years ago.)

Turning pain into purpose

Writing the book wasn’t enough — Rudd wanted to create a lasting framework for women to heal. That’s why she founded the nonprofit "She Overcomes" and developed "Becoming Bold," an eight-week program designed to help women embrace their true identities. She was the keynote speaker at a recent "She Overcomes" event in Fargo.

"Instead of believing the lies about ourselves that keep us feeling insecure, insignificant, or isolated, the program is about embracing truth, learning to speak up and engage in conflict in ways that honor ourselves and others," she said.

Through “Irreverent,” her nonprofit, and her speaking engagements, Rudd hopes to empower other women to break free from the narratives that have kept them silent for too long.

"I felt like I was a messy woman trying to find God," she said. "Now I think God found me in the mess."

“Irreverent" is available at Amazon.com and will eventually be available at major retailers. Rudd is also working on a second book, which continues her story.

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