"After the initial Sterling weekend, there's something called 'Point Team'"

"My Thoughts and Experience With the Sterling Institute of Relationship."

May 3, 2007
By a former "Point Team" member

After taking a couple sessions with an intuitive life coach, he encouraged me to get involved with men, so as to get more in touch with my masculinity. This included going on a weekend initiation at the Sterling Institute of Relationship. This is my experience...

Without getting into all the gory details, the weekend is made up of Justin Sterling teaching and instructing men how to be men with varying techniques, mostly derived from EST, a 1970's pop-psychology fad. It's all in a very militaristic environment, with punishments for late arrival, needing permission (and not always getting it) for washroom breaks, and at the end, a rite of passage that requires everyone to strip naked and bang on drums.

You may very well get in touch with your inner power, but how real is it? I felt very empowered initially, and went to weekly meetings of other men who also attended a weekend. It's all very secretive and requires commitment to absolute confidentiality, adding to the sense of belonging and bonding with other men.

Then the wheels fell off.

As hindsight is always 20/20, I became angry at myself for allowing such influence into my life, but I'm getting ahead of myself. The particular small group I was part of where part of a larger, provincial group. This small group was formed by a number of men wanting more of a spiritual slant on the whole thing, as opposed to just the cave-man element. The problem was that in their allegiance to the larger group, they maintained much of the same rituals, jargon, meeting style, and rules. The more time went on, the less I got out of it. It was more of a whining session, with men going over the same issues week after week.

After the initial Sterling weekend, there's something called "Point Team", which is meant to ground you in the principles learned from the weekend. It's an 8-week course of meetings and activities, kicked off by another initiation rite. It was in that initial evening that the end began...

In essence, you're treated like a 17 year-old kid sent to military school to be broken by humiliation and abuse. It's an outside meeting with a crowd of Sterling adherents, and two or three leaders, guiding us through the night. Throughout the evening, it's "single file - no talking"; everything is timed with a stop-watch. We're told to come up with a team name, but because we won't conform to the crowd's pressure to take on their version of it, we're ordered to dunk our heads in buckets of freezing, polluted river water, as well as the river itself. Plus, it's pouring rain and everyone but the team-mates have rainwear. It's only one or two degrees above freezing. We were also coerced into doing push-ups, and jog here and there, even though I had a severely twisted ankle.

After getting home, I gave my head a shake and wondered why or how I ever could have let that happen to me. I'd gained too much self-respect to ever allow such abuse to take place, so I went through a weeks-long process of having to forgive myself for not resisting such abuse and humiliation.

I'm over 50 years old. I'm a stable, intelligent person who has been around the block a few times, and part of my past happens to include living in a very close-minded religious assembly. I am well-educated in the techniques used by such elitist groups, and I saw it all that night, including - worst of all - the intimidating, abusive, and demeaning process of tearing someone down and building them back up again in front of a group of people.

Others in the team later described it as bizarre, sick, and over-the-top. Also, a relative of one of the team-mates said the same thing (he was part of the crowd, observing). Needless to say I quit, and some time later quit the whole men's team thing altogether. I saw how crowd/group mentality can be so powerful. I saw how otherwise rational human beings can be led to such incredible behavior.

In my mind, it is our responsibility and life purpose to increase our consciousness by means of increased awareness, facing challenges, learning about ourselves, and moving on if need be. I see the Sterling chapter in my life as an important stepping stone; one that taught me some valuable lessons, but not from the words of Justin Sterling's mouth, or any one else's. I liken it to a car-wreck that sends one to the hospital - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Lessons:

1. Don't join anything if they keep secrets. They are deciding what is best for you without your consent.
2. You already possess the knowledge and wisdom you desire.
3. Keep it simple. Be joyful. Seek transformational wisdom. Be eclectic.