Ex-Brethrens on breaking free

More than 50,000 people belong to a global religious sect that has restrictions around television, eating with outsiders and attending university. Some who’ve left the church say they still carry the trauma of what they experienced there.

Members from that same religious group also run schools and a charity that have been given millions of dollars in funding from Australian taxpayers.

ABC News, Australia/November 18, 2024

By Briana Fiore

Tom Grace was aged 10 when he was told that, for religious reasons, he couldn’t keep his sulphur-crested cockatoo.

He remembers the time when he was taken down to the aviary with his brother and watched as his father cut a hole in the wire.

Tom, who lives on a property outside Adelaide, thought the bird, called Cocky, would jump at the chance to spread its wings.

“We wanted to encourage him to fly,” Tom recalled.

But the bird barely budged – and after two days remained behind the wire.

By the third day, it had died.

“Rather than run for the opening, [Cocky] actually retreated to the other side of the cage,” Tom said.

“Looking back on it, it’s really an example of what being trapped in a cage can do to an animal — and I believe it’s the same with humans.”

Tom often thinks of his pet parrot when he reflects on his time in the Plymouth Brethren Christian Church, formerly known as the Exclusive Brethren.

Tom’s exit from the church was swift, but moving on from it has taken much longer.

Tom has never met Adelaide woman Tam Bennett, who was raised under similar influences, but they have settled on the same term: “cage”.

“It was like living in a box, being in a cage,” Tam said of her upbringing.

“Everything was really regimented and controlled – what you wear, what you do during your day, how you spend your evenings, what you think.

“I’m a lesbian so there wasn’t any happy ending for me in there."

Tom and Tam are former members of the Brethren. Both grew up in the church, and both felt compelled to make a break.

“I just fundamentally disagreed with everything the Brethren believed and the way they control the members,” Tam said.

The church, they say, has had lasting impacts on their lives, especially when it comes to family.

While they both feel liberated by the decision to leave, they are, in different ways, still living in the aftermath of that choice.

“I definitely think it’s a cult,” Tam said.

“It’s hard to explain what it’s like to live in a cult … unless you’ve been in a cult,” Tom said.

Sneaking out before dawn

The Plymouth Brethren Christian Church was established almost 200 years ago in the United Kingdom, after splintering from the Church of England.

Members soon migrated to Australia and New Zealand, and across Africa and North and South America.

There are about 15,000 members in Australia.

“We are a bit different. Every church is. But the ‘cult’ term is wrong and demonstrably untrue,” a church spokesperson said.

“Our church has more than 50,000 members worldwide, with normal Christian people following a normal Christian Bible with normal Christian beliefs.

“We are a global Christian fellowship that live peacefully amongst neighbourhoods all over the world.”

Members live amongst non-Brethren people, but many favour suburbs and towns in which there are Brethren schools and churches.

The Brethren does not seek new recruits, because most of its members have been born into the church.

Those who are part of the group are expected to attend daily church meetings.

It was against such a backdrop that the then-teenaged Tam first realised she was gay.

“I just freaked out and repressed it for a very, very long time,” she said.

Homosexuality, she said, was a largely “unspoken” subject that was occasionally discussed “in a horrified whisper”.

“It’s considered one of the worst sins that a person can commit,” she said.

“If someone was unfortunate enough to be found out in being gay in the church, it would be sort of like, ‘How can we fix you?’”

Accompanying those views, Tam said, were restrictive expectations about how women dressed and led their lives.

“The way the house is set up is the man is the provider, and he will be expected to go to work, and the woman will stay home and take care of the kids,” she said.

“You obey your father when you aren’t married, and you obey your husband when you are.”

The church said its views on gender roles were based on scripture and “no different to those of millions of other Christians around the world”.

It said it endorsed biblical views including “wives submitting to their husbands”.

While its teachings on homosexuality and sex outside of marriage “broadly align with those of millions of Anglicans, Catholics and others”, the church insisted that did not mean “we are against the LGBTQIA+ community”.

“Our members, like millions of other Christians who desire to live their lives according to the teaching of scripture, believe that sexual relationships should be between a man and a woman and take place within the sanctity of marriage,” the church spokesperson said.

“Whilst our belief and practice is guided by the Holy Bible, that does not in any way impact on our respect for others nor our core values of care and compassion towards everyone, including those who are LGBTQIA+.”

For Tam, however, a future in such an environment was not something she could countenance.

Her departure from her family home was carefully planned. To avoid an emotional goodbye with their parents, Tam and her two brothers secretly packed their things.

“We planned it so … they wouldn’t see, because we knew that it would be very upsetting for all of us,” she said.

“We left early one morning, we sort of snuck out together.”

‘A good Brethren boy’

According to the Brethren, such actions as Tam’s are uncommon.

“It’s rare that people choose to leave our church,” the spokesperson said.

“When that happens we are obviously sad to see them go, but wish them well.

“Of an already small proportion of church members who choose to leave, a small number of those speak unfavourably about their experience – and while that is regrettable it is hardly a unique situation for any church to find itself in.”

Now aged 71, Tom Grace is among those who have spoken “unfavourably” about childhood in the Brethren.

“I was very compliant. I was a good Brethren boy — that was how I saw myself,” he said.

“We weren’t allowed to watch TV, we weren’t allowed to listen to the radio, we didn’t have any recorded music.

“We weren’t allowed to eat food in front of people who were not Brethren.”

When Tom was 17, his father left the church to set up a splinter group, but they still “basically behaved as though we were Brethren”.

It was only when Tom faced the prospect of raising his own family in such cloistered surrounds that he started drifting away.

“My first wife and I had our eldest son, a beautiful little boy, and we just felt we couldn’t subject him to that – to such a tiny future, in such a small group,” he said.

“The horizons were too small.”

As Tom sought to broaden those horizons, some of his siblings remained within the church’s fold, causing what became a lifelong rift.

“They do shun people,” Tom said of the church.

“I never spoke again to my eldest sister, I never spoke again – she never spoke to me.”

The Brethren denies that it makes family members cut ties with one another.

“Contrary to some of the myths perpetuated about us, we do not prevent former members from contacting their families,” its spokesperson said.

“What we cannot do is force families to maintain contact with that relative if they don’t want to.”

Similarly, the church insists its “doctrine of separation” is intended not to keep individuals apart, but to help them reject influences contrary to Christian principles.

“This is why we tend to avoid social media, and when we do use it, it’s usually to support our business endeavours,” the spokesperson said.

“What this does not mean, is that we cut ourselves off from relationships, charity, or dialogue with others outside of our fellowship.”

Dialogue with loved ones is what Tom craved after leaving the Brethren behind, but the fissure in his family meant he never knew his brother was dying of asbestosis.

That experience was, he said, “quite frankly just barbarous”.

“I think it was about 30 years before I really accepted the fact that our family was never going to be back together again,” he said.

‘The teachings of Christ’

One of the Brethren’s churches sits just south of Adelaide. It is partly visible from the road and features a double-gated entrance with several security cameras.

The charity, which often partners with government departments, received almost $460,000 in public money in the most recent annual reporting period and more than $580,000 the previous year.

A school network linked to the Brethren also receives taxpayer funding.

Most Brethren children attend schools administered by the OneSchool Global network, and there are more than 30 campuses across Australia.

A dozen are in New South Wales, seven in Victoria, five in Western Australia, four in Queensland, two in Tasmania and one in South Australia.

Brethren members operate their own supermarket chain called Campus&Co, as well as an emergency response support charity called the Rapid Relief Team.

In 2022, the SA campus alone received $304,500 from the state government as well as $1,128,000 from the federal government.

According to the Brethren’s website, the schools are not owned or run by the church, but “share a close relationship” with it.

OneSchool Global said government funding arrangements were entirely consistent with those involving other denominations.

“[Our] schools are funded in the same manner as any other independent school across the states in which we operate, and as a result are subject to the same processes for obtaining, and reporting on, government funding,” a spokesperson said.

The church admits that young members who wish to pursue tertiary education are “encouraged to do so online, rather than attend or live on a campus”.

“Where possible we choose to distance ourselves from influences which could distract from the teachings of Christ,” the church’s spokesperson said.

It is an arrangement that does not sit well with Tom Grace.

“The whole concept of restricting people from doing education is just really awful,” he said.

“The women are compelled to, when they leave school, basically take an administrative or clerical job in one of the Brethren businesses until they get married, and they get married quite young and then basically they’re mothers from that point forward.”

Tom speaks from experience – when he finished school, he wanted to study law but was told he couldn’t.

“My parents said, ‘No, you can’t go to Adelaide Uni because your sister nearly got turned away from the faith by going to uni’,” he said.

That was five decades ago — but claims that young Brethren members are still impeded from attending university campuses have prompted SA Education Minister Blair Boyer to ask regulators to investigate.

“Upon being made aware of allegations against Brethren schools, I referred these matters to the Education Standards Board for their consideration,” he said.

“If any breaches have occurred, I expect the Education Standards Board will take them seriously and act accordingly.”

A board spokesperson said schools were reviewed at least once every five years to ensure they complied with requirements.

Beyond the Brethren

Tom was in his 40s when he decided to take up the career he’d been advised against 25 years earlier. He put himself through law school.

He has now been a lawyer for two decades and, this year, returned to university to further his studies.

He runs a hobby farm with his wife, and they are on a mission to revegetate the land.

He is philosophical about the trajectory of his life.

“The earlier people are allowed to experience freedom — and the better support they have when they begin to experience freedom — the more chance they’ve got of surviving and rebuilding,” he said.

Tam Bennett still experiences recurring nightmares about her former life.

But she has well and truly left the Brethren behind.

Tam is today enjoying life outside the church.

“Life can be so much better than what you’re experiencing,” she said.

Tam has a supportive partner, is part of her local Adelaide pride group and has found an accepting workplace.

“For many, many years I didn’t think I could imagine real happiness,” she said.

“I never thought I could be this happy and stable."

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