Social media makes it harder to know who children meet online. How can you break through?

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel/August 6, 2025

By Natalie Eilbert

In the years and months leading up to the deadly shooting at Abundant Life Christian School, Natalie "Samantha" Rupnow repeatedly threatened to take her life, was flagged for idolizing past school shooters and made TikTok videos demonstrating her salvo of tactical gear and guns.

Rupnow's influencers were part of a larger movement to accelerate violence and bring an end to humanity.

That deeply enmeshed interest doesn't come out of nowhere, said Tony Thrasher, the immediate past president of the Wisconsin Psychiatric Association.

Social media has made it harder for family members, teachers, guardians, mentors and others to understand the kinds of people their children are getting to know, because much of it can happen privately, online.

Among those who become radicalized in Wisconsin, about a quarter are exposed by the time they're 22, according to data from START, a Department of Homeland Security center led by the University of Maryland.

But much can be done, Thrasher said, to pull young people away from these groups before a violent act occurs.

Here are the signs, symptoms and guidelines to talking to children or students about exposures to radicalization.

What signs should you pay attention to?

Signs of a child becoming radicalized can be tricky, said Thrasher, since the same signs associated with radicalization could also potentially point to a child being abused, having a tough time with a friend, doing poorly in school or experimenting with substances.

Those signs look like isolation, suspicion of others, depression, mood swings, and a near-total lack of real-life friends.

So how do you notice a difference?

One trend that seems to come out most, Thrasher said, is an inability to keep it to themselves. That becomes more clear when you talk to your children or students about events taking place in the news, especially in the form of rallies, protests and acts of violence.

Thrasher suggests asking your children or students open-ended questions about news events. Asking young people, What do you think about that? can be empowering. You can break it down together and begin to engage in healthy, real-life discourse.

Pay attention to how they talk about other groups. It's not uncommon for people who are radicalized to see other groups through a negative lens.

Reserve time each day to reflect on internet use

Face-to-face communication can make a huge difference for young people who are tending to stay online for long hours at a time.

Social media can be a beneficial line for people who historically feel alone or marginalized, but it removes a parent or guardian's ability to know with whom their children are spending time. That makes it all the more important to ask children who they're hanging out with, even in online spaces, Thrasher said.

Lead these conversations with curiosity, not judgment. Ask them what they learned on social media and if they'd like to discuss anything.

"I always normalize these conversations. I talk about my own habit of doom-scrolling and why, after a while, I make myself stop," Thrasher said.

Confronting bigotry, racism and misogyny online

Social media is laced with harmful rhetoric, sometimes in the form of memes, coded language or blatant generalizations. When having conversations with your children about the types of information they're absorbing online, don't avoid the ones that veer on racism, sexism, misogyny and bigotry.

Personal grievances can sometimes lead to a person becoming radicalized, Thrasher said. The pathway to extremism moves from that sense of anguish to something much larger.

"This isn't new. You demonize the other, make the other not only a bad person, but a less-valued member of society," Thrasher said. "They are what's wrong and if you eliminate them, you can convince yourself you're doing it for the good of humanity."

Exposing young people to a diverse range of people, through academic activites, sports, clubs and more can help connect them to more immediate narratives, narratives that don't align with blaming whole groups of people.

What if a peer notices something is off?

Taking a problem-solving approach and intervening early and often to get children and teenagers the help they need — known as behavioral threat assessment — shows promise, said Trish Kilpin, the director of the Office of School Safety, part of the Wisconsin Department of Justice.

That can only happen if people take notice of troubling signs. Students may start talking about school violence or researching previous school shootings and previous acts of violence. They may become obsessed with death. These things, in addition to lacking positivity, can sometimes indicate trouble.

Changes in behavior, outlooks on life and how someone dresses also can be indicators that something is amiss.

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